The New Fad Of Liking Artsy Movies...Good Or Bad?

It all started with The Nightmare Before Christmas, no, scratch that, it all started with Hot Topic. Or maybe, it just started without warning. Sometimes I like to think it's Jim Henson's fault, but how could it be when he's been dead for how many years, and the movies people obsess over are nearly 25 years old? It seems, more and more, that with every new person I meet, their attempts to be intellectual in their choice of favorite movies is part of a silent fad. Guys like their shoot em' up's, blood and gore, warrior movies, and sometimes even a more obscure title here-and-there like the ghastly Boondock Saints or even Green Street Hooligans. However, when I was still on the dating scene (all through high school and all through college), it seems that girls like to handpick movies in order to make them seem more quirky. Now, don't get me wrong, I've tailor-fitted my favorite films to say everything there is to know about me....but it seems that girls do this in order to seem "hip" and "with it". Whereas I just did it to expand my horizon and besides that, I enjoy making lists.

Think about the last time you've looked at a girl's facebook, or myspace, or even the last date you had. Movies are usually commonground through which observations of possible chemistry grow within, so I'm sure the topic has come up. Let me guess......she probably LOVES Juno, adores anything Wes Anderson stamped his name on, and most likely, she's obsessed with Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind and The Science Of Sleep. Of course, this doesn't fit every girl, my fiance happens to like most of the same movies I do. She loves action movies, and most of the time, hates chick flicks. The majority of girls in this generation, however, are more interested in David Bowie's crotch in Labyrinth or the gelfling race in The Dark Crystal. Chances are, this article will make a lot of the opposite sex angry, but I'm merely stating a personal observation and it's meant to be more of a joke.

At this point in time, I could be the new-age Robert Evans.....only I'd produce shit films. I'd make so much money because I could sit there and pinpoint JUST the movie to greenlight that would sell like hotcakes to scene girls. Get somebody like Ellen Page, make her fall in love with....oh, I don't know, John Krakinski or maybe Michael Cera.....have the loveable, goofy, quirky asshole friend as either Raine Wilson or maybe even Jack Black in severe cases, and then add in an alternative soundtrack with Belle and Sebastian, Karen O, and, for "vintage" purposes, Sixpence NonTheRicher. Then you make the poster a "paint-by-numbers" type kindergarten banner and call it something simple like: Bobby and Jane, Left and Right, Two Hearts and Crayons, or maybe even Let's Get Lost. Point being, even artsy films are becoming formulaic, and the REAL artsy films don't get any publicity. So, in a bizarro world kind of twist, it's almost like the fake artsy movies are now mainstream.....and the real independent artsy movies are left to suffer an unknown death at the box office.

This is not the only fad, however. If I were this modern-day Robert Evans, I'd buy more Hideo Miyazaki films, as young girls eat that...shit...UP! They eat it up! I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit through Howl's Moving Castle the past four years (not that it's a bad movie, but once is way more than enough with a running time like that). Add in a Pixar movie about talking fish and robots (most likely in the same film, or at least in the first half hour), and it'll be a very merry christmas for all....oh wait.....I'm Robert Evans.....then it'd be a great Chanukah. Sometimes I think this has steered excellent directors to a horrible end....just look as Wes Anderson. His films have been great up until his new one....The Fantastic Mr. Fox?! Given, he admitted it's been a dream of his to make it a film, but it's so beyond his style, it seems almost like a lie! Then, take a look at how many other children's books movies have either been green lighted or are coming to theatres. As shitty a director as Zak Snyder is, even HE'S going where the money's headed.

Although I'd love to see both movies, it also bothers me that Where The Wild Things Are gets an IMAX release, but the Coen Bros new film, A Serious Man, is strikingly limited. That's some bullshit, right there. If you're going to favor "indie mainstream movies", at least don't market them like the hidden gem of the season.....when in fact, you're just making more hidden gems buried at the bottom of the pile. I suppose over all what I'm saying is that Hollywood needs someone like me, either as a reviewer, talk show host, author, screenwriter, or director....hell, I could change things as an actor....but it certainly is time for that: a change. And I'm not talking about stepping BEHIND the camera, Drew Barrymore. Your movie's so full of moronic, 30-something actresses and annoying indie gentlemen that it smells like douche from miles away. You used to be cute, Drew Barrymore.....then you tongue-lashed my boy Tom Green in Charlie's Angels....that ain't right....no matter how delicious the Chad was.